Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
