We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
