your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
