my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
