she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
