Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
