Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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