matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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