he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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