The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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