I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
