party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
