i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
