I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
