Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
