sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
