Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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