Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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