have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
