there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
