peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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