The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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