I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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