We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
