:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
