For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
