He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
