I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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