god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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