I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Screwed.edu
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
