things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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