Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
