I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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