She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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