i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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