"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
