All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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