TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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