I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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