Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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