I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
