I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
