Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
