Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
