the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
