did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
