From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
