I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
