I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
