You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
