I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
