Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
pray to the hookup gods
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
