after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
