where am i from again
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
