I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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