The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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