she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
