I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
