I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
