think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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