I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
