My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
