I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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