hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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