Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
